Justin Bieber’s Monkey May End Up With “Psychological Problems”

Posted by PZ on April 23rd, 2013

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As with any human who may be forced to spend a lot of time with Justin Bieber, his pet monkey Mally, who is currently detained in Germany after Biebs forgot to present authorities with his papers, may end up with “serious psychological problems”. The reason? Because he hasn’t spent enough time with other monkeys while growing up. I know what your thinking – that Bieber should be a good enough substitute – but that isn’t the case unfortunately.

Bieber has been asked by the German monkey keepers (we’re sure there is an official job title, but that sounds better) to pay the bills they’ve racked up minding Mally and show them the monkey’s papers, or else write them a letter giving the monkey up so they can house it with others which may help Mally grow up more normally. Apparently monkeys aren’t supposed to go on world tours:

 “A baby monkey was never going to be suited to be on a world tour even if he is travelling by private jet. He should be out in the wild climbing trees and learning from other monkeys if he isn’t to have serious psychological problems later in life.”

This may be the end for their relationship:

 ‘So far no papers for the monkey of Justin Bieber have been submitted. If he submits a written disclaimer, we can accommodate Mally in a welfare family group in a zoo.”




Category: Justin Bieber