Paris Hilton Is Resourceful

Posted by Moxie on September 8th, 2010

44100, LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - August 24, 2010. Booking photo of Paris Hilton, who was arrested late Friday night in Las Vegas on possession of cocaine. According to police, Paris was the passenger in a vehicle that was pulled over by police just outside the Wynn Hotel. The driver was arrested for DUI (drug-related, not alcohol) and after conducting a search of the car and Hilton, they found her in possession of a controlled substance. According to Police, tests revealed the substance to be cocaine. The hotel heiress was arrested and released on her own recognizance. Paris' boyfriend, Cy Waits, was also arrested and booked on a charge of DUI.   Disclaimer: BWP Media Inc and their brand Pacific Coast News does not claim any Copyright or License in the attached material. Any downloading fees charged by BWP Media Inc and their brand Pacific Coast News are for its services only, and do not, nor are they intended to convey to the user any Copyright or License in the material. By publishing this material , the user expressly agrees to indemnify and to hold BWP Media Inc and their brand Pacific Coast News harmless from any claims, demands, or causes of action arising out of or connected in any way with user's publication of the material.

You know how Paris Hilton keeps getting arrested for drugs and irresponsible use of substances and all that stuff we mere mortals would go to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison for? According to an upcoming tell-all by someone who used to work for Girls Gone Wild, Paris has an even more detailed drug history than we thought.

Now, this is all coming from a guy who was involved in convincing girls in various states of intoxication and legal adulthood to get naked on camera, so take it with a grain of salt (which is actually coke hidden in a salt shaker): Ryan Simkin, a former GGW cameraman, claims that his boss Joe Francis put together a “care package” consisting of coke and Ecstasy in a Camel cigarettes box that Paris could take with her to Europe. An excerpt from his book:

“I asked if she was flying private, and she said, ‘No, commercial.’ And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X. She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her [vagina]. Classic.”

Realistically, this is probably not completely true. Something about it rings false, and I think it’s the whistle bit; I can’t see Paris having the wherewithal to do something as mentally tasking as whistling (although I bet Rick Solomon would have some input on her ability to blow). But if it is true, I should take back all those things I said about Paris Hilton being dumb. I mean, most women use their vaginas for really pedestrian things, like menstruating and childbirth. How conventional. How uncreative. It took a genius like Paris to figure out that if you can put a dick in it, you can also hide drugs there, too! They haven’t closed the nominations for the Nobel Prizes, have they? Because I think we should give ’em all to Paris, plus take back all the others that have been given out and just hurl them at her. You know, in appreciation.

Category: Drugs, Moxie, Paris Hilton