Nobody Wants To See Old Ladies Talk About Sex

Posted by Moxie on July 1st, 2010

American actresses Sarah Jessica Parker, Kristen Davis, Kim Cattrall and Cynthia Nixon attend the premiere of Sex And The City 2 at Odeon, Leicester Square in London on May 27, 2010. UPI/Rune Hellestad Photo via Newscom

Plans for a third Sex and the City movie have been shelved after a team of crack government scientists did exhaustive research and discovered that the sequel sucked and everyone hates it with the white-hot fire of a thousand suns. The first movie made $57 million, while Sex and the City 2:  Sandy Vaginas only made $37 million, most of which will go towards paying back Hollywood’s finest Photoshop and CGI artists for the nearly impossible task of making these women look like they aren’t entirely too old to be carrying on like they do.

Sarah Jessica Parker is reportedly distraught because she wants Carrie to live on forever (I guess sucking the life out of everyone around her isn’t enough to keep the self-centered brat going). I, too, am terribly upset by this, not because I like the show or the movies but because the hilariously scathing reviews of the sequel made me squeal with joy at a frequency heard only by small primordial creatures dwelling deep below the Earth’s surface. My hunch is that the prequels featuring a young Carrie will be released and quickly turned into movies that make not even a cursory attempt at including the original cast. And if you thought the Hannah Montana or Twilight backlash was bad…oh, oh, just you wait. I’m going to start storing up my bile right now.

Category: Movie News, Moxie, Sex and the City 2