John Mayer Told Taylor Swift His Penis Shoots Rainbows

Posted by Moxie on April 30th, 2010

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Only explanation for why she would hook up with him, considering that he’s a racist, obnoxious gremlin. And I guess since he’s already done the cougar thing and doesn’t have access to some sweet sexual napalm, he’s decided to date a 20-year-old who writes songs about fairy tales and unicorns and magical lands made of cotton candy.

There have been rumors for awhile that John and Tay-Tay were seeing each other, but they sort of died down when Taylor started hanging out with Cory Monteith (Finn on Glee) and it seemed like John was going to get killed by the Black Crusaders. But it turns out that they might have a secret textual relationship and be engaging in trysts all over the place.

Scandalous! And gross. Dude’s 32, which wouldn’t be so much of a problem if he wasn’t also a raging f*ckknuckle. Taylor might technically be an adult, and she’s never come off as a typical vapid pop-tart, but she’s also always struck me as someone younger than her age. This is probably not going to end well. And I have no idea why she’d want John Mayer when she could have Cory Monteith; between the two of them, they could have the most adorable, squinty babies with questionable vocal talent evar.

Category: Cory Monteith, Glee, John Mayer, Moxie, Taylor Swift