Jessica Simpson Has Lunch Money.

Posted by Rebecca on February 14th, 2011

In fact, her fashion empire has reached over 1 billion dollars!

Can you believe it?  This flatulent machine (with the help of her mother, her mother’s best friend, and I’m sure a stable of other able-bodied professionals) done make a PROFIT!  Do you think that when this came out she sent Ken Paves passive agressive hate texts? I hope so, but that can really only be true if we know for sure Simpson is literate.

To put this into perspective, according to New York Magazine, Simpson is toting the same profits as Michael Koors.  Now who’s sending Ken Paves hate texts?

It’s a dizzyingly enormous amount of stuff, and it’s a staggering amount of money. And at the center of it all is … Jessica Simpson? We first met her about ten years ago, when she was a virgin from the Bible Belt. The daughter of a minister, she started recording gospel albums when she was 14—someone had been impressed by a performance she gave at Bible camp.

Gross, right?  Jessica Simpson, the same woman who likes to not brush her teeth and wipe them on her sweater. The same woman who delights in farting in public. The same woman who can fit a whole ham into her mouth.

That’s who is dressing us in hats and professional separates, AMERICA?

Category: Celeb Magazine Shoots, Celebrity Comebacks, Celebrity Weight Gossip, Jessica Simpson