Jack Nicholson To Make You Wish It Was Zach Galifianakis’ Ass Grossing You Out

Posted by Moxie on April 22nd, 2010

Apologies for the excessive wordiness of the headline, but it took me that long to get over my nausea at this bit of news: Jack Nicholson wants to star in the geriatric version of The Hangover. Presumably this means that instead of roofies, they’ll take Centrum Silver and party allllll the way till 11:30.

The plot is about as limp as the characters’ dicks: 4 former best friends who have drifted apart since the ’50s (the hell? If half a century has gone by, it’s safe to Wite-Out their names in your address book) reunite for a last hurrah (probably literally) in Las Vegas before the sole bachelor of the group gets married. Jack Nicholson wants to play said bachelor, who falls in love with a lounge singer but has to compete with his friend for her. So like a cross between Doug and Stu from the version of The Hangover that people would actually want to watch.

The crackheads at whatever studio is producing this mess are looking at Richard Jenkins (who is awesome), Gene Hackman (who is awesome but pretty much retired), and Morgan Freeman (who would be awesome if he didn’t maybe have sex with his step-granddaughter) for the other old dudes. For the lounge singer, I say…Wendy Malick. But they’ll probably go with Susan Sarandon or Meryl Streep if she feels like slumming it.

I can’t imagine how this could possibly measure up to The Hangover. It’s a lot less impressive for someone to pull out a tooth when it’s attached to the rest of his dentures.

Category: Jack Nicholson, Meryl Streep, Movie News, Moxie