Heidi Montag Expresses Her Angst In Verse

Posted by Moxie on August 9th, 2010

Heidi Montag has decided to deal with her pending divorce from Spencer Pratt in her customary dignified, restrained manner, limiting herself to photos of her moping by reflecting pools and dropping lyrics on Twitter about how glad she is to be rid of him.

Yes, the auteur who brought the world “Superficial” is returning with a masterpiece of heartbreak dripping with pain as her boobs might drip with silicone should one accidentally poke them with a spork (not that I’ve ever wanted to do that). The poetry:

“My friends are calling me everyone is telling me what you have been doing who you have been screwing.. your twisted as a liar you are gifted. Look at me baby how I’m doing just drop like when I’m doing hahahaha.. now he says he wants me I don’t need that concrete weighing on me. Cause I wanna let my hair down is that alright is that ok? Ill be your blond tonight if that’s what you like uhhhhh stilettos and fish nets. Gonna get caught sooner or later hey boy your not the one for me hey boy your not the one for me.”

I choose to read that “uhhhhh” not as a moan of sexual excitement but as filler because she didn’t know what else to say until she thought, “Stilettos and fishnets, that’s what men who like to have sex with women enjoy, I think!” Heidi’s like Shakespeare, but better, because Shakespeare didn’t have circus tits to keep his quills in.




Category: Celebrity Breakups, Heidi Montag, Moxie, Spencer Pratt, Twitter