Everyone Quits Lindsay Lohan

Posted by Moxie on August 11th, 2010

Actress Lindsay Lohan reacts following the sentencing by Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel during a probation status hearing in Beverly Hills, California on July 6, 2010. Revel sentenced Lohan to 90 days in jail Tuesday after ruling she violated probation in a 2007 drug case by failing to attend court-ordered alcohol education classes.   UPI/David McNew/Pool Photo via Newscom

No wonder she’s a crackh – excuse me, methhead; it must stem from her abandonment issues (plus, the one person who won’t leave her alone is a sociopath whose name rhymes with selfishstagemomwithafacelikealeathercanteen…a). The latest person to leave LiLo high and dry (or, actually, not-so-high and dried-out) is Martha Revel, the bad-ass, take-no-prisoners-except-Lindsay-Lohan judge who handed down the actress’ original sentence of 90 days in jail and another 90 in rehab. I’m not sure how much say she had in Lindz’ ridiculously truncated jailtime, but I applaud her for trying in the first place to keep that slag’s freckled ass locked up. Unfortunately, Revel’s now recused herself from the case following accusations that she acted improperly by contacting various “participants and experts” without first notifying the lawyers for either the prosecution or the defense. According to TMZ:

We’re told one of the issues — Judge Revel took it upon herself to make contact with people from the Morningside Recovery rehab facility and then selected Morningside, even though it was not on the list of recommended facilities by her own court-appointed experts. Ultimately, Lindsay’s lawyer convinced Judge Revel to send LiLo to UCLA. But the issue was raised on Friday.

I hope the new judge is able to achieve similar levels of not giving a fuck about Dramatic Lohan’s dramatics. I’m going to miss Judge Revel, but I’m glad she left me this present:

42293, BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA - Tuesday July 6, 2010. Lindsay Lohan in court with her lawyer Shawn Chapman Holley for Lohan's probation hearing with Judge Marsha Revel. Photograph: David Buchan/Pool Picture/PacificCoastNews.com
What. The fuck. Martha, you’re killing me. Tattooed eyeliner? And bangs? I’ll give you credit for your very shiny hair, but it looks like a wig, and the overall impression is that of one of those creepy lifelike Japanese robots. And would it kill you to smile? You just sent modern Hollywood’s most infamous trainwreck to the slammer! Judge Judy would be celebrating, I can tell ya that.

Category: Drugs, Legal Woes, Lindsay Lohan, Lohan Family, Moxie