Dramatic Lohan Is Good At Dramatics

Posted by Moxie on July 24th, 2010

Actress Lindsay Lohan surrenders in court to begin serving a 90-day jail term for violation of probation in Beverly Hills, California on July 20, 2010. UPI/Al Seib/Pool Photo via Newscom

Lindsay Lohan has reportedly been placed in isolation at the Los Angeles County jail after having a major freakout brought on by taunts from the inmates. Supposedly, the women started to chant “firecrotch” at Lindsay, who burst into tears and asked if she could call Tina Fey for some advice on what to do if making your tormentors’ faces smell like a foot isn’t an option. Lohan was already set to be placed somewhat apart from the other inmates because of her notoriety, but she was further isolated from gen.pop. when she wouldn’t stop crying; a witness who was released from jail on Friday night said

Lindsay would lie there shivering all night, crying and covering her face with her hands. Her wailing was keeping everyone awake …. She had a hysterical fit, crying and yelling, so she got put in isolation.”

Lilo’s also on psychiatric watch after wardens noticed a number of scratches on her arms.

Man, what great stories she’ll have for the 7-figure post-jail interviews she and Dinasaur managed to broker before Lindsay was locked up. They wouldn’t have to do even that much work, though, if only there was some sort of machine that could turn Lindsay’s histrionics into currency…not only could we have bailed out Wall Street at no cost to taxpayers, but we could send everyone to college for free and tell Europe to just call it even on all those loans from World War II. Of course, since it’s Lindsay Lohan, something would go wrong, like exponential inflation leading to a depression the likes of which has never been seen, and basically the end of humanity as we know it. Like John Maynard Keynes once said, “There is no subtler, no surer means of overturning the existing basis of society than to firecrotch the currency.”

Category: Celebrity Trainwrecks, Legal Woes, Lindsay Lohan, Lohan Family, Moxie, Tina Fey