Charlie Sheen on the Hunt for “a Shape-Shifting” Half-Man Half-Otter

Published Categorized as Charlie Sheen


Now that Amanda Bynes has been locked up and they key swiftly devoured by her conservatorship-loving parents, we look to Charlie Sheen as an alternative source for some sheer, utter madness. Never one to just do normal things like father the kids his ex-wife is now 24/7 babysitting, Charlie is on the hunt for a “shape-shifting” half-man half-otter creature. ┬áLast week, Charlie took some of his friends on a private plane to Sitka, Alaska to hunt for the legendary and rather elusive creature. Sadly and very shockingly, they didn’t encounter the half-animal half-human otter person. Charlie commented on the hunt:

“(The Kushtaka is) a shape-shifting trickster who is half man, half otter. It lures one away from the campsite with the mimicked sounds of a crying baby, then kills you, takes on your form, and returns to the scene for more suckers or prey… It obviously knew our group was far too skilled to be snowed in this fashion so it stayed hidden like a sissy.”

Charlie Sheen is unfortunately deaf to the sound of crying babies, so it must have been impossible to make any progress during the hunt. The beast is apparently warded off by the scent of copper, urine and fire, so it must have caught a whiff of Sheen approaching from quite a distance and retreated back to its mythical lair.