Celebrities Bottled Up for Your Smelling Pleasure

Posted by Brooke on November 7th, 2011

Photo: INFdaily.com

Spicy top notes accented by creamy musk bottom notes may sound like the bastard child of the Food Network and a low-budget porno (is there any other kind?) – but it’s not. It’s far more likely to show up on the shelves at Wal Mart as the next smelly concoction created and endorsed by your favorite celeb – just in time for the holidays!

While there’s no clear way to detect just when in the celebrity life cycle a signature scent becomes crucial, for some inexplicable reason it seems to be inevitable. Liz Taylor debuted her White Diamonds in 1991, decades after her famous turn in National Velvet. But younger stars are taking a dip in the scent brewing alchemy pool much sooner. Katy Perry has already branded a perfume and Britney Spears came out with her first fragrance, Curious, in 2004 – barely into her first decade of stardom.

How did this phenomenon start? I often wonder about who the first person was to do something that would never, in a million years, occur to me to do. Like who figured out that artichokes were not only edible but delicious if you steam them just right, eat only the soft, squishy bottom of the leaf and dip it in something decadently greasy like butter or mayo?

Celebrity perfumes and colognes are sort of like artichokes. Did it all start with some famous person thinking, “I know what people just can’t live without – they must smell like me or die trying!” And how do these oh-so-talented people even know what they smell like? From riding on many a bus and shopping in many a crowded mall I have learned that people, as a general rule, have absolutely no idea how wonderful – or more often how horrible – they smell. I did have a paramour once tell me that I smelled like red wine and garlic, which I totally took as a compliment, but I somehow don’t think that would be a top seller on the perfume aisle at Walgreen’s.

If my scent involves red wine and garlic, do I even dare to imagine what some of the regulars on E! News or The Soup might bring to the sniffing party? Especially sports stars. Derek Jeter’s cologne, Driven, was actually the second-hottest celeb smell in 2010 – behind our lady Liz’s enduring White Diamonds. All I can think of when imaging the Derek Jeter scent is that it’s probably a little sweaty and those sweaty notes could be the result of his exertion from either playing baseball or from serially dating a slew of celebrity starlets.

What’s with dudes coming out with fragrances, anyway? It doesn’t seem very manly. They must either be trying to appeal to their gay man fan base or trying to trick women into thinking that they are the man their man could smell like. If that’s the case I want to see endorsements from the women in these guys’ lives on every bottle. I want Nicole Kidman to put her stamp of approval on how sensual, masculine, talented and Australian my man will smell once he is slathered in Keith Urban’s new Phoenix cologne. If Nic won’t show her love, then I’m walking away. Especially given that the nose behind this fragrance is something called Loc Dong. Sixteen Candles, anyone?

Brooke Niemeyer is an entertainment junkie and a regular contributor for Celebutaunt. You can follow her on Twitter @RNYBrooke

Category: Britney Spears, Katy Perry