10 Celebrities with Terrible Facial Hair

Posted by Rebecca on January 6th, 2011

Facial hair can look totally sexy, no? It makes men look rugged, like musky mountain men come straight from a barn raising. Am I right? Granted, I’m a beard fetishist. Anyhoo, you’ve got to agree that though facial hair can go totally right, it can also go totally, disgustingly, horrifyingly wrong. Here’s a look at some facial hair that should have been shaved not just off the face, but off the planet and plane of human consciousness.

1. Keanu Reeves

Actor Keanu Reeves attends the press conference of ‘Henry’s Crime’ during the 2010 Toronto International Film Festival at Hotel Hyatt Regency in Toronto, Canada, 14 September 2010. Photo: Hubert Boesl

K Reeves really knows how to not grow a beard. Does he really think this looks good? Come on, dude. Like my grandmother says, if you can’t fill it in, show your chin. Yeah, she totally said that.

2. David Schwimmer

Director David Schwimmer attends the press conference of ‘Trust’ during the Toronto International Film Festival 2010 at Hotel Hyatt Regency in Toronto, Canada, 11 September 2010. Photo: Hubert Boesl
Actor Keanu Reeves attends the press conference of ‘Henry’s Crime’ during the 2010 Toronto International Film Festival at Hotel Hyatt Regency in Toronto, Canada, 14 September 2010. Photo: Hubert Boesl

Come on Schwimmer. You, too, fall into the gross-trying-to-look-cool beard category.

3. Howie Mandel

Host Howie Mandel engages the audience onstage in the Canon Theatre during the 2010 Canada Walk of Fame Tribute in downtown Toronto, Ontario, October 16, 2010. UPI Photo /Heinz Ruckemann

gross gross gross gross gross. I cannot contain my hatred/disgust for Howie Mandel. I bet he wakes up every morning, looks in the mirror, and tells his ugly face that “He’s the man.” Then, he eats half a bowl of Kashi GoLean goes and hosts game shows. ANGRY Rebecca!

4. Orlando Bloom

British actor Orlando Bloom poses after receiving the Bambi Trophy during 62nd Bambi award in Potsdam, Germany, 11 November 2010. The Bambi is Germanys main media award. Photo: Jens Kalaene dpa/lbn

Orlando Bloom, stop looking like a rapist.

5. Billy Bob Thornton


USactor Billy Bob Thornton and his girlfriend Connie Angland attends the premiere of the film ‘Faster’ at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Los Angeles, USA, 22 November 2010. Photo: Hubert Boesl

Gross, a super soul patch. My vagina just closed up.

6. Brad Pitt

Actor Billy Bob Thornton attends a hand and footprint ceremony for actor Robert Duvall in the forecourt of the Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, California, January 5, 2011. REUTERS/Danny Moloshok (UNITED STATES – Tags: ENTERTAINMENT)
Brad Pitt arrives at the French premiere of the film “Megamind” in Paris on November 29, 2010. UPI/David Silpa

Brad went from heartthrob to looking like my Dad. Come on, dude. Shave that shite.

7. Zach Galifianakis

American actor Zach Galifianakis attends the premiere of “Due Date” at Empire, Leicester Square in London on November 3, 2010. UPI/Rune Hellestad

Listen, I like Zach Galifianakis. I do. I just wish that I could see his obscured face. He looks like he was burned up in a forest fire, and covered with a hat.

8. Benicio Del Toro

American actor Benicio Del Toro attends the premiere of “Miral” at Vue, Leicester Square in London on October 18, 2010. UPI/Rune Hellestad

Oh, Benicio. You so sexy. Now let’s see that pretty face, ok? I like your creepy look, but let’s not let it get too creepy, shall we?

9. Will Smith

The American actor Will Smith speaks after the premiere of his film ‘Karate Kid’ in Berlin, Germany, 19 July 2010. The movie will come to German cinemas on 22 July 2010. Photo: Jens Kalaene

For the record, I HATE the beardmustache circular thingy that Smith sports. Get over it, out of the early nineties, and on with LIFE.

10. Zac Efron

Zach Efron arrives at the People’s Choice Awards in Los Angeles on January 5, 2011. UPI/Jim Ruymen

Zac, you look like you are ten. How did you ever have a boyfriend, er…girlfriend?

Category: Billy Bob Thornton, Brad Pitt, David Schwimmer, Keanu Reeves, Lists, Orlando Bloom, Zac Efron, Zach Galifianakis